Happy New Year everyone, albeit 23 days late. anyone up to anything particularly exciting anywhere in the world? currently in my second season ski instructing in Calfornia.

Goog grief, please somebody have a word. Just to try and at least get a few bombs thrown at me, here's an excerpt from my latest (unfinished) book 'Gross Britain', set in the not too distant future. If this doesn't get any reaction I'll be blowed.

General Arthur Laidlaw, C-in-C of the National Security Task Force (NASTY), sat hunched over his desk. His HQ was in an underground bunker - which was once Holborn Underground station. The tunnels each side of the station had been completely destroyed by explosions on two trains. The squad of suicide bombers had planned well, picking two trains that left the station in opposite directions at the same time.
The death toll was 376, with only sixty badly injured survivors extracted before further rescue became impossible. The devastation in the tunnels was so great that it was decided to abandon them and build bypass tunnels. The old tunnels became tombs for those killed, and were sealed with concrete. Some of the underground concourse and offices had escaped relatively lightly, and were renovated for Arthur's use.

On the wall behind his desk hung the organisation chart for NASTY, which was now all of one month old. There were three Divisions, plus Headquarters Regiment.
1st Division was commanded by Air Vice Marshall 'Perky' Perkins. He was responsible for all Intelligence, and policing duties. His Division comprised the RAF Regiment, all Military Intelligence units, the Military Police of the three Services, Special Branch, and the Blues and Royals.
2nd Division, commanded by Vice-Admiral 'Hawkeye' Hawkins, was his shock troops, with nearly half of the total establishment. Comprising the Royal Marines, Guards Brigade, Highland Brigade, one light armoured brigade and two heavy armoured regiments, they were responsible for all large scale response and confrontation, riot control, and seek and destroy.
3rd Division - nearer Brigade size - was the 'Fire Brigade', and smallest of the three. Commanded by Brigadier 'Magic' Manson, it comprised 3 Commando Regiment, half of the Army Air Corps, the Parachute Regiment, SAS, SBS, the Ski Battalion (SB),M&AW (Mountain & Arctic Warfare) cadre They were in theory the Mobile Reserve, but in fact, because of their high mobility they roamed far and wide - 'First in, best dressed' was Magic's motto.

General Laidlaw could hardly believe even now, that this beautiful and beloved country of his had come to its current pass. 30,000 specialist armed troops to keep law and order in the nation.
The original concept was supposedly to 'Assist the Civil Authorities'. But the pretence had quickly vanished. The Civil Authorities had lost control. Police were resigning in large numbers, rather than be gunned down by the gangsters who ruled the roost.
The case that broke the camel's back was The Crown v. Atcheson and Jenkins. The two Metropolitan policemen had been jailed for ten years for gunning down a known 'minors' boss. Judge Sarja Hassan in her wisdom, had given them the maximum sentence, after they were found guilty by a jury stacked with myopic do-gooders, blind to what was happening in the society around them.

The choice for the active police had been narrowed down to four options:-
1) Resign.
2) Co-operate with the gangsters.
3) Go to jail.
4) Die 'in the line of duty'.
Laidlaw, with the help of Emergency Powers, had the job of trying to lift the morale of what was left of the nation's police forces, while reinstating law and order. It would be a gigantic task.

Society as he knew it, had disintegrated. Gangs of youths - 'minors' beyond the reach of the law - had been terrorising the country; following generations of self indulgence, led by the thousands of 'social science' degree holders seeking self justification.
The 'Social' budget - unemployment pay, paid compassionate and pregnancy leave, distressed mothers' - and everyone else's - relief; subsidised industries on a 32 hour 'working' week; jail inmates' comforts and education, etc etc - had risen above 40% of a diminishing Gross National Product by the time the economy finally disintegrated last year.

This once great nation had become a society paying through the nose for its own destruction; while dancing to the tune of the Social Worker products churned out by lowered-standards 'seats of learning' - the backsides of the backsliders, where the students ran the faculties. A society weaning and encouraging every anti-social misfit in its midst. An as-yet undead corpse, with the corruption of the handout mentality and low morality
eating away outwards from the inside. A cancer that should have been cut out while in its infancy, now running rampant through the whole body. Britain had become a country in which the benefits of breaking the rules far outweighed the rewards for obeying them. Criminals running the nation, students running the educational institutions.

In short, the lunatics had taken over the asylum. Now General Laidlaw was supposed to wave his magic wand and put it all right. Which was ironical, because it was people like him who, for the past couple of decades, had been sounding the loudest warnings against what was happening. But wasn't this always the case? When the weak got all their own way, and it then backfired on them, they always needed the strong to pull their chestnuts from the fire. Even when those strong ones are the same people they have constantly denigrated while they were getting their own way.
It was a most distasteful situation for Arthur Laidlaw. His troops had already been called out twice in the past week, to sort out students beating and killing their teachers in primary schools.

Thank God, at least it wasn't the whole nation he had to cover - yet. Scotland had been remarkably trouble-free. For some strange reason, the Scots seemed to have found a new identity, and were even getting their act together, instead of being in the forefront of the rabble rousers. There was even talk of them seeking membership of the European Community as an independent member state. And the best of luck to them, thought Laidlaw, whose father was a Scotsman. Especially if it keeps them off my trouble list - but not too soon, or I could lose some of my best troops.

Meanwhile, NASTY had to somehow handle the rest of the country, before the NAZIs were voted into power. Pity that, about the name, but couldn't be helped now. He picked up the phone, and asked Brigadier Manson to join him.
They spent more than an hour discussing the latest situation south of the river. The whole of Lambeth was a 'no-go' area for the police, and the gangsters were strengthening their hold. Now their influence was spreading to Wandsworth, and the Government was worried about security for the forthcoming Wimbledon tennis tournament. The organisers had refused to call it off, in spite of a personal request by the Prime Minister. They had spent hundreds of millions of pounds on building the new tennis centre in the 1990s, and on extensions and upgradings since. Nothing short of a Government decree banning the tournament would stop them from protecting their investment.

No government likes issuing decrees on the subject of religion; and the sports arenas had replaced churches as places of public worship. So the gangsters looked like having a bonanza, unless Laidlaw could come up with a watertight security blanket - and he knew there was no such thing. Showerproof yes, but watertight was impossible. Meanwhile, a couple of instant-promotion Oxford graduates had been put in charge of investigating organised crime in the Soho brothels - talk about small socially-rounded pegs in large hexagonal holes!

But there was time in hand yet for Wimbledon. Even though the Paradise Club was long gone - a temporary way-station on the road between Tee-hee Bad and Oh My God. The immediate problem was a complete breakdown of law and order in the Leeds-Bradford area. More than a third of the remaining West Yorkshire police force had resigned en masse a week ago; immediately after the acquittal of a gang charged with the murder of five officers in an ambush. This had followed close on the heels of a notorious rape trial. The defendant was sentenced to 5 years jail on his fourth conviction for rape with violence.

The police were completely embittered; frustrated at every turn by out-of-this-world judges and their do-gooder handmaidens. Many years ago, guidelines had been laid down on rape. He should have been sentenced to a minimum of 6 years on his first conviction. Instead, he received 3 years the first time, and was out on the streets again committing another rape fifteen months later. This time he received 4 years, and was released - for 'good behaviour' - after 21 months; whereupon he promptly raped again. Once more he was sentenced to 4 years and released after two. He had served a total of five years for three rapes, instead of six years for one.
While - according to the guidelines - he should still have been in jail for his first crime, he had already been freed to brutalise and traumatise three more innocent women. But the people who committed the crime of releasing him were cloaked in anonymity, and never punished for their crimes against society, and against three women in particular.

The Chief Constable, Miriam Ghazi, had called for help from NASTY, and Laidlaw wanted half of Magic's force in West Yorkshire within two days.
Miriam didn't know a great deal about day-to-day police work, but she had most of the other necessary qualifications to land the job when she was picked for fast-track promotion. She was female, dark brown, same-sex married to the headmistress of a private girls' school, and had a Polytechnic Behavioural Science degree. She was actually trying her best to do the job thrust upon her. It wasn't really her fault that her best fell very short of the mark.

The Leeds/Bradford area had a special problem, common to other smaller areas with large Moslem populations. Nearly 25% of the mostly Pakistani Moslems under 25 years of age were living on the NHS and Social Security. They refused to adapt to British society, expecting rather that society should bend to them. The result was a high degree of inbreeding, with first cousins marrying each other. Many of the offspring were therefore born with genetic malformations and disfunctions.
It seemed to have escaped the attention of the Authorities that the marriage of first cousins is against the law in Britain, for exactly these reasons. So the deformed offspring of the lawbreakers lived off the taxes of the society they refused to blend into. But this was easily overlooked in a society where criminals were in general treated better than their victims.

Many of the Moslems were agitating for their own autonomous region, just as they did in most countries where they were in a minority. But some of the wiser heads among them kept pointing out that if this came about, they would themselves have to pay for the results of their inbreeding. Nevertheless Minors gangs were thriving, and providing fertile ground for the shaping of young impressionable minds to produce suicide bombers.

The fight against crime had become a war of national survival, which was why the armed forces were now involved. NASTY was the spearhead, but other units could be called out in support. Unfortunately, NASTY already contained most of the nation's fighting troops. The armed forces had dwindled steadily, owing to the other demands of society - such as television, video and university courses for the increasing number of criminals in the jails. Jails which had become more and more like Government rest
houses, but at greater cost. Backed by parole boards who would send Satan himself back to Heaven with a Good Behaviour badge.

Magic Manson started chuckling to himself as they took a break for coffee.
"What the hell have you got to be so happy about? The whole country is in a shambles you know."
"This morning I came across some old political satire that was quite entertaining" answered Magic. "Do you remember a Premier of Queensland called Bjelke Petersen, years back?"
"You mean Joh - who could forget him?" said Laidlaw.
"That's him. They reckon he was nicknamed Jehova Bjelke Petersen, and the Opposition put a story out that he was going to rename Brisbane as Johrusalem."
General Laidlaw smiled at that - but there was more.

"Did you know that a few decades ago there were too many 'leaks' at 10 Downing Street? So they called in a Thatcher to fix them. But as soon as the Thatcher departed there was a Major crisis in the British Cabinet? And who in his wildest dreams would have believed we could have a Scottish Prime Minister - called Mrs Jones?"
"I thought Punch was long out of print" said Laidlaw, grinning now. Politicians were among the banes of his life.
"Yeah, well, I was an idealist - until I found out about Millie Vanillie," commented Magic.
"Pardon?" queried Arthur.
"Nothing, just another out-of-date joke."

Trust Magic to come up with something like this in the middle of a crisis. His philosophy was to keep the troops happy, especially in the most serious situations. And things were becoming very serious indeed. Laidlaw had no illusions as to the reception his troops received on the streets. There was no such thing as a soldier hero any more. The modern heroes were all enshrined in the glitterata of entertainment. A huge advertising hoarding not far from his HQ just about said it all:-

THE WORLDWIDE
T.V. EVENT OF THE YEAR
VULGRR FRAKSHIN
talks to
SOAPRAH LOOSELY

An ageing mulatto pop star, on his tenth face lift, who still strutted the stage in obscenely tight jeans, with his underpants over - and a preference for sleeping with young boys.

But things were now changing, with increased intakes of recruits, and a boost in training facilities for the forces. Many of the younger policemen who resigned were signing on in the army, and proving to be of high calibre. Most of the resources were being concentrated initially on the army, which had been the most neglected of all in recent years. At one stage the total establishment had dropped so low that Britain had been unable to fulfill her obligations to the United Nations for peacekeeping troops. More and more peacekeepers had been sent to the many trouble spots of the world; with America shouldering more than her share of responsibility, and the Japanese and Germans as usual shirking most of theirs. While the French simply played the odds. For many years, the Ministry of Defence had more office workers than soldiers.

The Mogadishu Missionaries had finally convinced the UN that everything they did was wrong, resulting in a UN withdrawal, followed by the massacre of a mere quarter million Somalis - and a couple of hundred Missionaries, before they got the message. This was small change compared to the genocide in Rwanda and Burundi; but there had been insufficient UN representatives there to keep count, never mind keep order.

Ironically, the Japanese now had serious problems of their own back home. They had failed to learn the lesson dealt out to the Arab oil producers - that if you corner too much of the market, and try to hog all of the money, then nobody else has enough money left to buy what you want to sell. Unfortunately the modern-day sophisticated 'economists' had forgotten the basics of what that old feet-on-the-floor Scotsman Adam Smith taught in his
'The Wealth of Nations'. He only invented modern Economics after all; the whizzkids had all the real brains. Playing with paper money (other people's) was much more important than actually producing anything which might contribute to the country's prosperity. Personal prosperity was the be all and end all of corporate life, whatever the consequences. Whizzkids in their twenties with far too much power, ruining ancient banks and even small countries. 'Ask not what I can do for my country'.

Disillusionment was rife in Japan, where workers no longer had a job for life with Father Company. Separatist movements were resorting to violence in Hokkaido, Shikoku and Kyushu. Korea was supplying substantial covert assistance to the latter, while
'nationalising' Japanese banks in Korea. The Japanese had suddenly discovered that their gigantic economic muscles were incapable of bursting a military paper bag, never mind the Koreans.
Now Japan was desperately trying to buy a couple of American aircraft carriers fully outfitted, while diverting massive funds into their own rearmament. Yanks being Yanks, they were using the carriers as a bargaining tool for greater access to the Japanese
market. Meanwhile the Chinese smiled inscrutably on their way to everyone else's banks - in Chinese Hong Kong. Arthur Laidlaw grinned to himself at the thought. His Scottish great grandfather and a few of his mates had made a substantial contribution to Hong Kong's prosperity. Now the Chinese and Japanese were setting up factories in Scotland!

Hi again folks. I get the feeling I may be wasting my stupendous talent on an empty auditorium, but here we go anyway.

PNG News Bulletin #5

Ahi landowners have moved 20 shipping containers onto the old Lae airport land, to block access to the lots, until proper ownership is established. They have demanded that the City and Provincial authorities explain 'illegal' sales of blocks.

Tuesday saw the start of the last session of the 7th National Parliament, with several important matters to be attended to before issue of writs on May 4th for the national elections. By 2pm there were still only 8 Members in the chamber. The bells were rung until 2.45pm, but only a further 16 MPs appeared, leaving Parliament well short of a quorum. Parliament then had to be adjourned until 10am Wednesday. Wednesday and Friday produced similar farces. Non-attendance has been a national disgrace for years. But, like many 'public servants', MPs are still paid for not turning up for work.

The Public Accounts Committee has stated that a clique of politicians and senior beaurocrats in Waigani (seat of government) is masterminding the 'misuse' of money meant for rural development. Most of us don't need the PAC to tell us this, but at least they have started to come up with some facts and figures. About K60 billion has been stolen by politicians and public servants in the nation's capital since independence. The past year's total was about K3 billion. They have added that, if this is allowed to continue indefinitely, there could be Civil War. Not one department or arm of government has complied with the Public Finance (management) Act during the PAC's five-year term. And nothing effective is being done about it.

The National Executive Council fired the Defence Secretary and Foreign Affairs Secretary, and appointed their successors. In both cases, the necessary legal documents were hijacked and altered by 'senior government ministers and officials'. The names of the incumbents were inserted in place of the new appointees.

A section of the Highlands Highway was completely cut off for 2 days. 'Landowners' threatened the contractors carrying out rehabilitation work, demanding 'compensation'. Two police mobile squads eventually chased the landowners away. I had similar experiences while Project Manager on the Highlands Highway upgrading, Daulo Pass to Chuave. My men and myself were threatened at least twice every week.

I finished up with 12 local police more or less on the payroll. I paid for their accommodation, food, and fuel for their vehicles. But things still continued to go wrong until I introduced the food factor. The theft of my Armco guardrails was reaching epidemic proportions, in spite of 'my' police. One day, the boss policeman and 2 of his men turned up at my office in the Land Rover we had 'lent' them, looking for their next month's rations. I told them there would be no more rations until I got my Armco guardrails back. Within 3 days I had more than had been stolen from me! Theft of diesel fuel was also rampant, until I bought green dye to put in the bulk tanks. Hinting at a further ration restriction, I asked why no arrests had been made, since people were selling cans of green diesel along the highway, and I had the only green diesel in the Highlands. By the end of that week there was no room left in the local police cells.

Late last year the newly-elected Member for the National Capital District tabled a private member's bill. He is a businessman, who was supported by the Prime Minister personally during his campaign in the by-election following the death of Sir Bill Skate. He is of course a member of the government party.
When enacted, the bill gave him dictatorial powers on the NCD Commission. There has been a public outcry as a result of the Act, and his subsequent actions. A petition has been presented to Parliament demanding repeal of the Act. The petition contains nearly 16,000 signatures, and has the backing of Transparency International, all of the churches, and 80 non-government organizations.
The Prime Minister has washed his hands of it, stating that since the Act was the result of a private member's bill, it is up to the private member to apply for its repeal!! Many MPs have said they didn't realize the full implications of the Act when voting for it. They just did as they were told.

Just outside Lae, two young sisters were walking along the road to Malahang when a man came out of the bushes and kidnapped the younger one at knife-point, with rape in mind. The elder sister ran for help. About 10 young men found the suspect about to commit rape, and hacked him to death. Relatives of the suspect burned a house, trade store, chicken house and vanilla garden belonging to relatives of the girls.

Yesterday (Sunday) a woman was stabbed to death at the front door of the main Waigani police station. The police station door was locked.

Cheers
Braid Anderson
Land of the Unexpected

I know there must be more than 3 of us on the site, because nearly every time I visit, there's a different name on the 'latest FP' How about giving Alisdair and co a little encouragement everybody? Meanwhile here's PNG Newsletter #3

Election campaigning is now officially underway. One candidate has publicly accused Dame Carol Kidu (see last week) of swindling K1.5million, when she is one of the few MPs who do not dip into the public purse. He also stated that 'she is not even Papua New Guinean. She is a white woman, and has white blood.' Any white person making a similar public statement about a black person of standing would very likely go to jail. I sincerely hope Dame Carol sues him, since I'm quite sure the police will do nothing. Racist laws tend to be rather one-sided in non-white communities. Which probably includes parts of Britain nowadays!

The big news of the week was of course the tsunami scare. My wife came rushing back from town on Monday, without most of the groceries.
“Tsunami coming! Everybody running away!”
“Okay, settle down and have a cup of tea. We're nearly 3 kilometres from the shore, and 100 feet above sea level, so we're okay.” ( 100 feet sounds better than 30 metres!)
Meanwhile the great exodus was underway. Schools closed, with some reports saying some teachers were faster away than the kids. Some of the kids, instead of going home, jumped on trucks and buses heading up the Highlands Highway. A week later all of the Lae children are accounted for, but five children are still listed as missing in Madang. In Lae the tsunami eventuated as a tidal surge of about 2 metres, which did no damage I'm aware of.

PNG is on its way to becoming the tuna processing capital of this end of the Pacific. RD Tuna, from the Philippines, has had a large tuna canning factory in Madang for several years, with their own fishing fleet. They are now doubling their capacity and extending their private wharves. I've been trying to persuade them to manufacture tuna frankfurters!
International Food Corporation of Malaysia built a large mackerel cannery and can-making plant in Lae in 1994/5, on which I was Project Manager. They are now expanding into tuna.
A large tuna loining plant has just been opened in Wewak. Now the Chinese government is financing a K10million processing and cold storage plant to be built at the Lae Industrial Estate at Malahang. I was Project Manager on the construction of the estate in 1992. One of my Scottish friends owns Albion Engineering, which is prospering and expanding on the estate.

A card game turned nasty in Western Highlands – one man's head chopped off and others suffering bullet wounds.
The early morning newspaper delivery flight from Moresby to Rabaul crashed in New Britain, killing both pilots. I hear it flying overhead at about 5.10am every weekday morning.
In Chimbu Province a former village court magistrate in his 60s was chopped to pieces for alleged sorcery, and the pieces fed to the village dogs.

A senior PNG politician on his way to Singapore set off the metal detector alarm at Jackson's airport in Moresby. Security guards asked him to please remove the metal object from his pocket. He refused, saying “I am a leader,” spat in the face of one of the security guards, and proceeded to the departure lounge. He then flew off to Singapore undisturbed. This is quite typical of the 'Big man' culture in PNG. A 'little man' would be in serious trouble for the same offence. The rest of us have to fly in the same aircraft as some of these 'Big men'!

Until next week
Braid Anderson
Land of the Unexpected

If there's anyone else out there, here is this week's news bulletin from Papua New Guinea.
Two more MPs have been referred to leadership tribunals for misconduct in office. If they are found guilty of something really serious like stealing millions, they will probably be dismissed from office - and EVEN banned from holding public office for a whole three years or so.
The Prime Minister, Grand Chief Sir Michael Somare, recently fired his Defence Miniater and took over the job himself, because he didn't like the way the Defence Force Board of Inquiry into the Moti affair was going. They were even hinting that he might have had osomething to do with Moti's escape to Solomon Islands in a Defence Force aircraft. Since the Inquiry has to report back to the Defence Minister, and he's now it, we may never know. We in PNG are supposed to be able to see the Emperor's New Clothes. My way of putting it is "When the Grand Chief farts, nobody smells corruption."
'Black Jesus' has just been finally arrested in our province of Morobe. For years he has been running a cult in which he gets first crack at raping young women, and is alleged to have murdered more than a few as human sacrifices.
In Chimbu another couple of old ladies have been hacked and burned to death for alleged sorcery.
Six more people have been killed in an ongoing tribal fight in Enga.
An MP who several times raped a young woman has paid K50,000 to her family, in order to marry her and escape the law. She is now wife number seven.
A senior policeman, suspended while under investigation for perverting the course of justice, plus spreading disaffection in the force, has been appointed Commissioner of Police. He has in turn appointed as an Assistant Commissioner another senior policeman who was retired last year while also under investigation. Needless to say, many of the other policemen doing the investigating are now being posted as far away as possible.
Yesterday in Lae, four Defence Force personnel were robbed at gunpoint outside Three Mile police station. Police who arrived later said the station was empty because they were attending a parade.
Tune in next week for another exciting news bulletin from The Land of the Unexpected.
Cheers
Braid Anderson